I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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