he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
