so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
