she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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