He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Randomize
