She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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