Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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