on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dignity is for republicans.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
