im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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