I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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