I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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