Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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