separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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