Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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