I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm too high and old for this...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
