Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
