Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
