You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
