why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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