Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
