then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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