we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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