Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
