I'm really into asian looking animals
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
