I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
