Pappa wants mamma naked
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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