If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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