I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
