It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
