Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
