she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
