i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
