this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
