I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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