I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Randomize
