You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
