i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
