I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
