I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
