nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
