If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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