I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
