dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
