He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
