go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
