Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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