the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
