And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
