how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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