She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
