Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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