I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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